Written by Hani Avital, Clinical Sexologist and Founder of SHELAAH ©
Are you interested in having more orgasms? I mean, let’s be honest—who isn’t?! If that is on your wishlist, I’ve got good news for you: it’s possible! But the path of O isn’t about learning new techniques or buying new lingerie. It’s not about finding your kink or another swipe. While all of these may enhance your sex life, your wishlist may remain intact. If you want endless orgasms in the bedroom—you first must begin living orgasmically.
In our fast-paced culture of immediate gratification, we have been conditioned to believe that there is a magic pill for everything, including a fulfilling sex life. I’m going to dispel that myth—#NoMagicPill. Sorry!
Living orgasmically means prioritizing pleasure. It means putting pleasure front and center in your life. Orgasms aren’t just a climax of sexual excitement centered in the genitals. They are rolling waves of energy that make us feel energized, lit up and electric. And we can access them #AllDayLong.
That’s right, all day long.
When pleasure leads the way, orgasms follow. Here are a few steps to point you in the direction of OOOOOOOOOO:
Base Decisions On The Pleasure Scale
This is the number one key to living orgasmically. Constantly ask yourself, “What will bring me more pleasure?” A hot bath or a steamy shower? A quiet night at home or hitting the dance floor? Sex with my lover or greatly needed sleep? Exercising or watching another episode? Deep fried chicken or a big leafy salad?
Now, your mind might always tell you that deep fried chicken is more pleasurable, but I bet your body would disagree. And what are orgasms? Waves of energy that we feel in our body. Catch my drift?
Your body knows what will bring it more pleasure. It’s in our wiring. Just ask!
Continue filling up your pleasure tank. Eventually it will overflow, and then come the waves!
Be Fully Present In Every Moment
An essential key to experiencing more pleasure is being present. When we pause, breathe, and focus on our sensations, we become present to the moment.
How much more enjoyable is your morning coffee when you relish its aroma and savor its taste? Much more enjoyable than gulping it down as you run to the subway while simultaneously checking your Instagram, right?
And that is true of everything. Being mindful and present can even make writing your work emails more pleasurable!
Create Environments That Turn You On
Surround yourself with people and things that light you up. Wouldn’t you enjoy work a lot more if you walk into an office that makes you feel good? Imagine feeling more energized coming home after spending the evening laughing with people that inspire you.
It all adds up: every little choice you make in the direction of pleasure. You will be so much more in the mood to dance sexually with your lover if you’ve spent the entire day being turned on.
Foreplay All Day
Another little “gem” that society so lovingly drilled into our brains is that sexuality is reserved for the bedroom or the billboards. Not!
Sexuality is our life force. The more we cultivate that energy in everything we do, the more alive we will feel. Period.
And if that is the case, everything becomes foreplay. It’s not just an intro to penetrative sex. It’s how we kiss our partner good morning. It’s the flirtatious verbal exchange we have with our grocer. It’s how we choose to dress and style our hair.
And if that is how you play at life—foreplay all day—your orgasms are gonna spike. Truth!
So remember, pleasure first. The rest will follow!