Written by Alex Grendi, Certified Sex Coach.
Although it may seem hopeless at times, there are several practical and simple ways to overcome premature ejaculation, and this can be done naturally, without the use of prescription pills or numbing creams.
Premature ejaculation (PE) is the biggest issue affecting men in the bedroom, ahead of erectile dysfunction. Studies have shown that PE is consistent across age levels and that nearly one in three men experience PE regularly during intercourse.
While it might be way more common than most people think, that doesn’t make it any easier for men to deal with. Society and the media have only perpetuated this fear. One example is the movie American Pie, where the main character Jim is caught prematurely ejaculating on camera in front of his entire high school, and everyone makes fun of him for it.
This lack of acceptance increases the pressure on men to be able to perform a certain way in the bedroom, and it only makes matters worse. Am I good enough? Will I last long enough? Am I big enough? What will she tell her friends about me? These types of questions may run through a man’s head before and during sex, and they can result in a paralysis of fear and anxiety.
Many men do not want to deal with the embarrassment of having PE, so they end up avoiding intimacy with women altogether, which can lead to bouts of depression.
The good news is there are actions you can take to overcome PE so you can last longer in the bedroom, and they are way easier and more simple than you might think. You can end PE for life and go from fear and anxiety in the bedroom to complete confidence and control.
Some medical professionals define PE as not lasting more than one minute of penetration. Yet others describe PE as ejaculating during any sexual activity before you intend to. Whichever one you are experiencing, it can be extremely frustrating, and it can feel like the harder you try not to cum, the faster it happens.
Trying to do long division in your head might distract you to last a few more seconds during intercourse, however, this is not a real solution for PE. If you want to really tackle this issue once and for all, you can’t go for the quick fix, you need to get to the source and build your way up. The solutions for PE are natural, simple, and easy to implement, but they take practice and consistency to be able to work long term.
Here are 3 ways you can last longer in bed so you can fully satisfy your partners during intercourse.
Reduce Your Stress
When the body is in a constant state of stress from work and life, your nervous system can get stuck in the sympathetic state. When your sympathetic nervous system is activated, you are in fight-or-flight mode. This can make it feel like everything is life or death, and you are flooded with hormones to boost the body’s alertness to react to a stressful situation. While this is a great response mechanism to have when you are in legitimate danger to help protect yourself, this is the worst state to be in if you are looking to experience pleasure in the bedroom.
Stress is the #1 libido killer. If you are constantly stressed outy and you take that fear and anxiety into the bedroom, your body is going to be dying for a release. One of the easiest ways to experience a release is through ejaculation. This is why some men feel the need to ejaculate every day after work, to blow off steam or stress.
Reducing the stress in your life can significantly increase your ability to last longer in the bedroom as your body will be more able to relax and drop into the parasympathetic nervous system. This allows you to experience pleasure instead of fear and anxiety.
Get Out of Your Head and Into Your Body
Many men grow up learning about sex by masturbating to mainstream internet porn. This habit trains men to stay in their heads, through visual stimulation, and with direct genital stimulation. This habit is not very practical for the real thing. When men then attempt to be intimate with partners after this type of practice, they often get stuck in their heads, trying to make the pleasure happen, instead of actually feeling the sensations in their bodies.
Trying to control your pleasure with your mind is impossible. If you are trying not to cum, willing it with your mind is not the answer. Instead of worrying about ejaculating too quickly, you want to be able to get out of your head and connect back into your body. Instead of trying to control the situation with your rational mind, you want to surrender and let go completely. This will allow you to reduce any stress and anxiety and allow you to be present with the sensations that are actually happening in your body.
Connect to Your Breath
Connecting to your breath is the key to calming your nervous system and enabling you to feel more pleasure in your body.
When your stress levels are high and you are stuck in your head, you need to be able to connect to your breath.
When the body is in a state of panic and stress, it shows through the breath.The common reaction is heavy chest breathing and elevated heart rate. When you really break that down, it simulates the exact same response as an ejaculation.
So whenever you are feeling like you are in a state of stress and can feel that you are dropping into your sympathetic nervous system’s fight-or-flight mode, connecting to your breath can reduce your stress levels.
How do you connect with your breath?
This also goes for sexual activity. If you are having intercourse and observe that your breath is starting to mimic that same ejaculatory response— elevated heart rate and rapid chest breathing—slow down, connect to your breath, and allow yourself to relax out of that stressful state.
Having this awareness and knowing when to connect to your breath will enable you to prolong sex and last much longer than you could before.
If All Else Fails, Seek Out a Sex Coach
If you implement these methods and are still struggling with PE, then the next recommendation would be to seek out some support and guidance from a professional sex coach. There are tons of amazing programs and courses that walk men through simple steps and a process to overcome PE for life.
Remember, PE is a treatable condition and you can overcome it with consistent practice, exercises, and dedication.