by Jeanson Benoit, World Association of Sex Coaches Certified Sex Coach
Many people believe that amazing oral sex for women begins and ends with the body. They see oral pleasure as a set of mechanical acts that produce a particular result. That’s only partially true, however.
This goal-oriented approach to oral sex causes many disappointments, anxiety, and guilt when the giver or receiver doesn’t “perform” as they’d like. Also, you’ll find that everyone has their own pleasure continuum and not every “move” or “technique” has the same effect on every individual. Fortunately, here are four key elements to experience amazing connection and pleasure while giving and receiving oral delight.
Most women find true confidence an extremely attractive quality in a potential lover. Therefore, go into your experience of oral loving with the confidence that you and your partner will work together to allow for the maximum amount of pleasure with one another.
As the giver of oral pleasure, confidence helps you redefine skill as the ability to adapt to changing circumstances rather than the ability to perform an act the same way consistently. Be confident that you WILL, with your lovers consent, provide pleasure willingly and unconditionally.
For the receiver, express confidence in your willingness to experience pleasure fully and unconditionally. This means letting go of thoughts, feelings, or paradigms that hinder your complete sexual fulfilment.
The 3 P’s of Loving
Patience, Passion, and Pleasure without pressure are some of the most important factors in receiving and giving oral pleasure effectively.
Patience: Take your time leading up to and during the oral sex experience. If you’re concerned about time, your attention will be divided and you won’t be open to the maximum amount of pleasure. There should be absolutely no rush (unless it is an agreed upon quickie) and no better place to be than where you are with your lover at that moment. You’ve likely spent the entire day hurrying so this time with your lover should be your winding down period. So, be patient with each other and keep reminding yourselves that “We’ve got all night/day”.
Passion: Another benefit to slowing things down is that it allows your passion to build more intensely. This is especially crucial for the arousal and plateau phases of the sexual response cycle. The more you allow the passion to build up, the more powerful the release of sexual energy will be when you reach that point. I compare passion to the pressure in a bottle of soda pop. When you open it without allowing pressure to really build up first, the release is mild compared to what happens when you shake it for a while.
Pleasure without Pressure: We all know what it feels like to be stressed out. However, it’s best to leave that stress at the bedroom door because it can totally ruin the oral sex experience. Tension can restrict your blood flow and that includes pleasure areas like the clitoris, breasts, and G-spot. This translates to less sensitivity and pleasure capacity in those areas. Also, the pressure of “performance” for both the giver and receiver should be totally eliminated based on your confidence in giving and receiving pleasure in this situation. Relieve your stress with a sensual massage, some wine, or soothing music to relax.
Communication is what brings the intention and expression of oral sexual connection together. Make sure to have conversations about what you desire from the sexual encounter. One way to accomplish this is with Sex Exploration of the receiver’s body before diving right in. Together, find out what feels good for her and what doesn’t. This is a wonderful way for to become better lovers for each other through simple awareness of what works.
It may also be important to state to each other “I am fully open and ready to give/receive pleasure in this moment with you” before you begin. And during the experience, you can interact with phrases of guidance such as “Just like that”, “A little softer”, or “How’s that baby?”.
Multitask in Your Expression
It is fun using our lips to provide pleasure to our partner, but don’t limit yourself to just that one tool. Feel free to explore other options of pleasuring such as the nose, hands, chin, and whatever else your creative mind comes up with as long as it’s pleasing to your partner. Also, don’t focus all your attention on just the areas below the navel. Kiss, lick, and touch her here, there, and everywhere! The more sources where simultaneous pleasure is being applied, the more the chances are that she’ll reach her peak.
For example, try using your tongue on her clitoris while manually stimulating her G-spot with one or two fingers on one hand and fondling her breasts or butt with the other.
As the giver, this is where true sexual expression can roam free within a space of mutual pleasure. As the receiver, join in the festivities and fondle yourself or guide your lover’s hands where you want them to go.
Happy oral loving everyone!
Jeanson Benoit is an Intimacy, Sex, and Relationship Coach. His specialty is assisting men with common sexual barriers and women that desire more connection with their sensuality. He uses his years of experiential and theoretical research to guide people to happier, healthier, and more fulfilling romantic connections. His vision is for everyone to unleash their inner Sex God and Goddess by awakening their sex lives now. Jeanson can be found at awakensexnow.com and can be booked for intimacy and sex lectures, live Q&A speaking events, and personal couples coaching done through video correspondence.