Why Inexperienced Lovers Are Awesome

Why Inexperienced Lovers Are Awesome

by Dr. Namita Caen, WASC Certified Sex Coach and Clinical Sexologist

Understandably, it can be intimidating to consider starting or restarting intimacy later in life. You may assume everyone has been having sex but you, or that your lack of sexual inexperience is a deal breaker for potential partners. This does not have to be your reality, at all!

In my practice, I encounter the real truth about what goes on between the sheets, and many men and women would love to have what an inexperienced partner brings to the bedroom. 

Here are three ways inexperienced lovers are awesome.

1. You have fewer bad habits

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Have you ever tried to overcome a bad habit? Sex is just like anything else – we all like to pretend we’re competent adults, but the truth is that we’re winging it most of the time.

If you’re not getting feedback along the way, patterns can become ingrained and harder to break later; if you don’t have years of sexual experience behind you, starting your journey to an intimate partnership can happen from a much more open place!

2. You’re willing to learn

Person in coat and scarf holding corner of glasses with one hand, standing in front of autumn-colored trees

Dating someone with too much bluster and bravado in the bedroom can be intimidating, if not a complete spirit-dampener. Overconfidence in bed can also become a lack of openness to trying new things.

Everybody’s different, and every body is different, yet we can all learn to give and respond to a loving touch. The magic of intimacy happens when you’re willing to learn what lights your partner up and find a groove together, rather than going back to the old “stand-bys” that worked with past partners and have become habitual.

3. Your vulnerability makes you attractive

Profile of woman with black hair in a bun, looking down with a slight smile

In the age of the social media highlight reel, refreshing honesty is harder and harder to find. What your potential partners desire more than a perfectly-filtered selfie is for you to show up fully and honestly, scars and flaws and all.

Whatever the reason is that you lack experience or fear that you’ve missed the boat, just own it and lay your cards on the table. This invites your partner to do the same and creates a window for true, real connection and intimacy, rather than a fantasy land of assumptions where no one is actually getting their needs met.

Be brave and allow yourself to be vulnerable – you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much of a turn-on this can be.

It’s Never Too Late to Awaken Your Sensuality

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To all the virgins, shy guys (and ladies), and folks who, for one reason or another, have little or no experience in the bedroom – good news: it’s never too late to awaken to your sensuality and learn to form intimate partnerships. Your window of opportunity need not close unless you shut it and make the choice not to put yourself out there.

Sex and intimacy coaching can help you overcome shyness and develop the confidence and skills you need to open yourself to intimate partnership, loving relationships, and create a satisfying and passionate sex life. I am here to help you on this journey! Contact me if you have questions, to set up a free phone consultation, or to schedule your first appointment.