by Dr Stacy Friedman Cerreta, World Association of Sex Coaches Certified Sex Coach
How many times are you with your partner and you begin to kiss each other, then the kissing turns a little more passionate? You move to the bedroom, kiss some more and then get into bed, only to go straight from kissing, directly to your manly or girly parts and skip all of the amazing areas above, below and in between. You think to yourself, “Hey, wait a minute! This just went from the starting line directly to the finish. What happened to the good stuff in between?”
I compare it to a chocolate chip ice cream cookie sandwich without the ice cream in the middle – yes, I love my desserts! It just leaves you wanting. My point is that you are taking something that should be sweet and delicious, with the main ingredient missing; without that one ingredient, it just falls short. In the case of sex, the missing ingredients are the erogenous zones that are often left behind or forgotten. Foreplay is not just about touching and kissing these areas, but about finding the specific things with your partner that gets them all heated and turned on. There are so many pleasure zones that are filled with nerves and more sensitive to touch than you may realize. Make your foreplay last a little longer by learning these zones that turn on your partner, so they are begging for more and in the process, turn your sex life up a notch or two!
What are erogenous zones?
Erogenous zones are any part of the body that can be extra sensitive and cause increased sexual arousal when touched in a sexual manner. These areas can be found by personal exploration, which is always fun to do on your own, or by using sensate focus. This technique allows you and your partner to slowly discover each other’s body with light, sensual touch, easy breathing and focusing on how your partner’s skin feels beneath your fingertips. At first, stay away from the usual erogenous zones, like the breasts and genitals and especially, stay away from intercourse – you will get to those fun parts later! Maybe even try some vibrations on these sensual zones to see how that feels too! The goal is to learn about yourself and your partner’s body and all of the yummy pleasure spots. This way, when you do get to the genitals and start to have intercourse, you are ready to go!
So, you want to know some tantalizing erogenous zones?
OK, let’s get to the good stuff! We all may be aware of areas on our body that are more typically excitable, the genitals and the breasts, but there are so many other sensual, exciting places on the body to enjoy that can bring your sex to the next level! The playground is endless! Let’s start at the top and work our way down:
HEAD/SCALP – Do you know that the head and scalp have the majority of the nerves in our bodies? When the head or scalp is massaged, the body starts to relax and the surrounding tissues stimulate blood flow throughout your body. A scalp massage is said to promote hair growth, so for balding men and for the women that want longer, thicker hair, stimulating this erogenous zone is a fun way to test this theory.
EARS – Almost every person has sensitive ears. Lightly lick the edges of the ear from the top, down to the earlobe, give the lobe a little nibble or suck. Lightly lick the inner ear and see how your partner reacts. If they reach for a towel and say “ewe”, then you know just to stick to the outside. Breathe softly and whisper sexy or loving words into their ear, tell them what you want to do to them and how you want them to feel. That warm breath and the sexy thoughts in their head can heighten the arousal before you even get started!
MOUTH/LIPS – One of my absolute favorites! Kiss me the right way and you can have all of me, right then and there! Seriously though, the kiss, the mouth and lips can start the blood boiling and the juices flowing. Your lips are a super sensitive area and when light sensual kisses and deep passionate make out sessions are mixed together, it definitely turns up the heat! Want to try something new? As you kiss, lightly suck on the upper lip and take your tongue or lower lip to touch the little bit of tissue that connects the upper lip and gums, called the frenulum. See where they feel the tingle!
NAPE OF THE NECK – Yowser, that’s a hot one! When your partner softly brushes the hair away from your neck, then slowly and softly places their lips on the nape of your neck, it can run chills down your spine. This area is packed with nerve endings including the back of the neck; so don’t forget about taking advantage of this whole delicious area!
BREASTS/NIPPLES – Did you know that when your breasts are caressed, your body releases oxytocin, the feel good hormone? That being said, touch away! Ask how your partner likes them to be touched in order to produce those feel good results; don’t just go grabbing, squeezing and doing the motorboat! Do they like their nipples squeezed, gently licked, played with or sucked on? Maybe they like more of the breast paid attention to, rather than the nipple area. Make sure you communicate with your partner to find out how they like to be touched, or it may backfire and that playful bite on the nipple might get you slapped!
INNER BODY PARTS – The inside of the wrist, inside of the elbow, inner thighs, behind the knees and the inner ankle area are not often touched for sexual excitement (the inner thighs can be but are often missed), but these areas, when kissed or lightly touched, can be very stimulating! For example, the hollow area between the inner ankle and Achilles tendon is known to restore sexual energy, so go down low and energize!
GENITALS – This is the most obvious erogenous zone, but many people don’t know the areas within this zone that may be the most sensitive. For men, the testicles and scrotum are very sensitive, but they are often neglected or overlooked. Hold them, cup them, gently rub or massage them – ask your partner what feels good. The frenulum, or the area beneath the head of the penis, is rich with nerves (about 4,000) so go in for the lollipop and give it a lick! The perineum, also called the taint, has nerve endings that can span from the pubic bone to the anus to the inner thighs! Now us women, we have a clitoris, and its only purpose is for pleasure! Hello, nerve endings! There are about 8,000 nerve endings here, so it can be very sensitive. Find out what kind of touch your partner likes in this area. Light flutters of the tongue or fingers, slow or fast movements, more pressure or less and sometimes it can be a mixture of all of these, but either way, take the time to figure it out.
Why It’s Important
When you can understand that sex is not all about orgasm, but what leads up to it, you will increase your sexual experience! When you learn what feels best to your partner you will heighten their arousal each time by trying something new. This can increase sex drive because it is not the same old touch and routine that you are used to. The act of sex and making love is not always about how fast you get to the finish line.
It is about the journey to your happy place, the feelings and emotions that are present in between and throughout the journey. It’s about the connection that happens when time is taken to treasure the body and all of its amazing, sensitive, delicious parts. Not saying that a good quickie isn’t loads of fun and can get you to your happy place in 10 minutes or less, but if you want to have the intimacy that a relationship deserves, it takes time, attention and lots of exploring of all the erogenous zones a body has to offer. It all comes down to communicating, exploring, communicating some more, enjoying, and hey, if orgasm happens after your explorations, it is just an extra benefit, so enjoy!