by Lucy Rowett, World Association of Sex Coaches Student Member
The world of Tantra can be a mystifying place. You want a safe space to explore your sexuality within a spiritual context, and you have read a couple of books. Good for you! Tantra is a beautiful world where some really deep healing can occur.
But unfortunately, I would not be completely honest with you if I didn’t tell you that there are some real arseholes there who spoil it for the rest of us.
I’m talking about the Spiritual Jerks.
When you first venture into the world of Tantra perhaps one of the first things you will notice is how wise and enlightened everyone there appears.
Speaking from my own experience, you can feel pretty impressed and insignificant compared to Swami Prana Ocean Devi who has been in an ashram for 5 years, lives a strict vegetarian diet and has statues of Ganesh in their living room, and can circulate their sexual energy around while eating toast when you have no idea what a lingam even is!
They talk in terms of energy, oneness, light, manifestation and free love. You may notice a glazed look around their eyes, a benevolent smile and all of their Facebook photos have them sitting cross legged in prayer position.
Yeah, unfortunately the chances are you that will meet a few people like that in the world of Tantra. I am so very sorry.
Many of them are generally harmless, but the problem is that when they start behaving in a rude way, being inappropriate, or just downright unpleasant, you brush it off.
‘It must just be because they are so wise that they are being so rude.‘
‘It must be because there’s something wrong with me, it’s just my limiting beliefs/my defenses/my doubts/lack of faith.’
‘It’s Tantra!’
Oh and if they start to come onto you?
This means that you let them treat you far worse than you would let anybody else!
Please, take it from a woman who has been around the Tantric block:
Don’t be fooled.
A JERK, IS A JERK, IS A JERK.
You can be the most famous teacher in the world, and still be a jerk because jerks exist in all religions, spiritual traditions, philosophies and yoga classes. And unfortunately, they exist in Tantra, too.
The good news is that when you know how to spot a spiritual jerk, you know to avoid them!
HOW TO SPOT A SPIRITUAL JERK
A jerk is someone who claims that they know it all, and that their path is the one true way.
They get high off their ego, and by being put on a pedestal. They were blessed by 3 saints in India, have followed the true lineage for 20 years, are an incarnation of Moses and are here to bless us with their presence. They can be charming, and very convincing, but demand complete obedience, and heaven forbid you accidentally offend them.
They can also be arrogant, preachy and have a one track mind- My way or the high way!
When you are around them you feel small, insignificant and stupid, so you end up bowing to their apparent wisdom, giving them permission to treat you in ways you wouldn’t let other people treat you.
Sure, they may be indeed very gifted and wise. They may have genuinely helped many people and probably started out with good intentions. But somewhere along the line, their ego got way too big.
WORSHIPPING GURUS
It is actually a very human trait to want to put people, organizations and beliefs on a pedestal, especially when you are starting out and don’t know your way.
To find a guru. To find a path that brings you out of a dark place. To find salvation.
Anything that puts your power OUTSIDE of yourself, and onto somebody, or something else.
This is why cults are so appealing, because they promise what you are seeking without the added responsibility that comes from you doing the deep inner work!
HELL NO
The power is always in YOUR hands.
The only person who can save you is YOU, which also means that you cannot save anybody else.
Don’t let anybody inflict their beliefs onto you if they don’t resonate with you, so absolutely cherry pick from different beliefs if it works for you.
Please don’t be put off!
The world of Tantra is a very beautiful place, so once you can learn to spot the spiritual jerks and trust your gut, it can be a great place to heal and grow. Tantra is a great place to learn how to assert your boundaries, to learn to receive love and to heal the deep rift between your sex and spirit.
You can still greatly admire and follow teachers, because there are some brilliant teachers out there with a lot of wisdom to share. The world is full of some really beautiful souls, and often they are found in the most unexpected places.
If you decide to venture into the world of Tantra, my advice would be this:
- Always follow your gut, if something does or doesn’t feel good, trust that.
- Never do anything you do not want to do! Any teacher worth their salt has this as their number one rule.
- Choose wisely who you follow and even wiser who you give your money too.
- Keep an open heart, but keep your head on too.
Remember this: You have the power, and nobody else!
Now you know how not to get conned by a Spiritual jerk, and go out and have fun!
Lucy Rowett is a Holistic Sex Coach, Tarot reader, and writer based on the South Coast of England. Her passion is empowering clients to live a full, juicy life that makes them vibrate on all levels. Her focus is on sex, spirit and transformation. Author of ‘Get Sexy: A Juicy Girl’s Guide to Reclaiming Your Natural Sensuality. Find her at www.juiceandjasmine.com, and join her Facebook group Juice and Jasmine Tribe.