4 Ways to Eliminate Slut Shaming

4 Ways to Eliminate Slut Shaming

by Stacey Perll, World Association of Sex Coaches Certified Sex Coach

Lately, there have been a lot of articles and discussions about Slut Shaming and how to stop it. Thankfully, there is a movement to stop blaming women for their sexual, lifestyle and wardrobe choices. In fact, a well known reality star, Amber Rose, has organized an event called the Slut Walk to raise awareness about this issue. One of the prerequisites of this event is to dress how you want. Do what you want and have no shame in your game! The message is sex positive and clear. Be yourself and stop listening to negative beliefs!

Now, you may be asking, what exactly is “Slut-Shaming” and how did the term come about? This is an interesting question. Slut shaming is the act of criticizing a woman for her real or presumed sexual activity, or for behaving in ways that someone thinks are associated with her real or presumed sexual activity. As a feminist and a sex positive sex coach I work to empower woman to embrace their sexuality and sexual choices. I am passionate about ending this stigma. My Goal is to assist woman in being their authentic selves.

I have been a victim of slut shaming due to my physical appearance. I have very long hair, am considered physically attractive and a voluptuous body. I dress to enhance my curves. I am not a librarian. A sex coach may choose to dress like a librarian, if he or she feels that way, and that is okay, too. Thus, it is my choice to dress the way I chose and how I feel comfortable. My wardrobe and choice not to cover up definitely do not make me a “slut”. In my opinion, nobody is a slut. The word has no substance. In actuality, it is pretty funny because personally I tend to be prone to serial monogamy and I tend to be pretty “vanilla” in my sexual choices. I am not a kinkster nor do I personally engage in open relationships.

Through my research about this topic, I have discovered some amazing ways to end this stigma and stop feeling shame and/or guilt for your lifestyle and sexual choices. Here are some pro tips to assist you in ending Slut Shaming:

  • Be yourself. Dress and be as sexual as you choose. Never change to conform to what society feels is acceptable.
  • Own your own choices. If you want to have sex with 5 different men or women in one week and are either single or in an open relationship, then do it. As long as boundaries are clear, the sex is consensual and nobody is being hurt intentionally, then why not?
  • Stop labeling. Stop blaming women for being confident sexual beings. It angers me that the double standard still exists in 2016. Men are still considered “studs” for their sexual endeavors and well, as for woman, there is “Slut-Shaming”. Release all the negative language from your vocabulary and embrace the term Sex Positive. Get involved. There are many organizations that are endeavoring to end Slut Shaming. One that comes to mind is the Unslut Project. Their website is www.unslutproject.com and their work is terrific.
  • Finally, accept who you are at the core. If you are a woman who desires many partners, one partner, or no partners – then rejoice in that. The bottom line is Self-Love.

In all of the above, the message is one of self-acceptance. No matter how you dress, how you express your sexuality (i.e., if you are traditional or a kinkster), then own it. Be yourself, love yourself and have as much passionate sex as your heart desires. What is important is acceptance of oneself, not what misinformed individuals tend to believe. My message is to love yourself and enjoy life!

About Stacey Perll

Stacey Perll is a Certified Sex Coach who will be obtaining her Doctorate of Human Sexuality at the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She specializes in coaching clients who suffer from body image, eating disorders and survivors of early childhood sexual abuse. Her message is to accept and love yourself and is Sex Positive.